run with horses.

I’ve been creatively frustrated for a while...and I’ve been trying to figure out why. Its been kind of difficult to recognize the causes because during this time my personal artistic career has grown but it occurred to me that almost in proportion to that growth my artistic activities with my friends have dematerialized (there are things that I do here and there but I’m talking about something more intense)…and I was thinking about it and I got sad remembering how much fun I used to have doing all these crazy things together with my friends…whom have either grown up or whom I’ve grown apart from.

A certain group of my friends and I used to have a creative salon where we gathered each week and shared something we had made that week. One girl was a fashion designer, the other an actress and I, the illustrator…the disparity of our fields gave us a freedom and diversity in thought. Humour, intelligence and passion abounded. It was a merry bunch and a merry time. I remember falling asleep as I was sewing roses on clothes for a friend’s fashion show. I remember driving early in the morning to a shoot on an aircraft carrier and steaming clothes in a little cabin room. I remember painting a set, pulling clothes, toys, bedding, getting a photographer, make-up artist and hair stylist to put together a photo-shoot just because we wanted to bring to life something we had seen in our heads. Sending our drawings to a magazine and having it used on the cover. Doing live paintings at shows, dressing up and going to art shows…I mean essentially we were dreaming together and working to make our dreams come true. As we actually started reaching those goals our lives have lost some of that innocence and freedom. I didn’t think it would last forever but who knew it would come to such an abrupt stop.

The words: run with horses, keeps running through my mind. We used to run together just to run. I miss that combustible creativity…I miss that creativity for creativity’s sake. I realize that those years were a special time in that they were formative years for all of us and that I cannot go back in time but I want to bring some of that back in my life.

I don’t quite know how and I don’t want to force anything. That is missing the whole point. I don’t want to do event-y things. I wouldn’t want to for example do a craft night unless it was genuine because I find it sad when something like that is more obligation than fun.

Right now I feel as though I can’t quite find what I want and I keep trying to make do but its not quite right.

I just want to make things together with bright, happy people.

I guess I need to reach out to people who have the same hunger as me.