why?

Why do we always want to be loved by the ones that don't love us?

In general I've learned to let go of failed relationships. I think that if you've tried your best to salvage it and things still suck that maybe the ship has sailed. There is wisdom in letting go. Sometimes I've found that these ships sail back towards each other again once they've had their own adventures.....

But I think worse than a failed friendship is one that is loveless and disconnected. How can that be a friendship you say? Well, there are conventions and trappings that can fool people into thinking that they are still close. Certain obligations and needs that keep the tenuous strings uncut. Its in those moments when someone you haven't seen in a long time asks you, "where's so and so?" and you realize you have just as little a clue as they do....that's when you realize the chasm is not just in your head.


So what is one to do?

I'm not really sure.

In terms of the friendships that work I have different interactions with all my friends. When I am insecure I try to quantify our interactions but it's an ephemeral thing that cannot be counted. It's an understanding or an attempt at understanding. Some friends I don't see as often as I would like but I can feel their love for me and that gives me a safe place to turn to. It's not just about quantity. Some of my friends have become busier, as have I, so we don't see each other as much and I understand that and if I can feel that they love me I am okay....I don't have to see them all the time to know that we are okay.

It's when the words seem empty and the smiles are fake....yet there is no real reason for a split so rather than a slow fade it becomes like music thats turned down too low....it's not loud enough to enjoy but it teases you with shadows of enjoyment to be had.

words to chew on....

“ For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again". The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

I stole this from someone else's blog. I thought this would be a good place to store this quote and look at it through out the week.

kooky style!

(drawing for Pool Tradeshow magazine)
I love Japanese style! :-)

bit by bit

Bit by bit I see myself becoming my mom, or rather becoming obsessed with the same things as my mom. My mother has several pet concerns in maintaining the cleanliness of her household. That's not to say our home was one of those showroom clean places, far from it. But the said concerns were always on her mind. She used to drive me crazy bothering me about these seemingly unimportant things but now I find myself focusing on the same exact things.

One of these concerns is with hair clogging up the shower. I find myself tending to the shower like it's a garden except I don't want anything to grow there. It's a continual battle against long black hairs trying to escape down the drain and congregate in the corners of pipes. It's disgusting, I know. My brother is not as aware as I am of these things. He is young and tall. He does not worry about what is going on with the drain in the shower. I was once that way, too. When I was young and carefree. Now I worry about clogging up pipes. Now I constantly clean said drain.

Ah, too be young and hairfree, I mean, carefree...hahaha.

collabo tee!

I worked on the Spring/Summer catalogue for Heather and I collaborated on a special shirt design. The shirt just came out on Friday but it's already sold out online!?!?!?(Is it a mistake?) :-) Anyways, I love Heather!! So happy and honored to be a part of this!

gotta relax sometimes....

Thank you, Maeko for your advice. I have calmed down a little. I just have to be extra organized and sharp from here on out. Sometimes I sike myself out...I mean the government is so scary....so permanent. hahaha. sigh.

Here are some pics from yesterday. Just me, a friend and a spuderito. "What's a spuderito?", you say... Well, it's an amazing little tortilla wrapped around crispy fries and cheese. I like starches and carbs so putting it all together seemed like a good idea. I like carb on carb, too. :-) Anyways, the spuderito was a crispy, cheesy delight! Obsessed!

Oh and I finally found a cute little faux leather biker jacket....like two years after I first blogged about it....hahha:-)

hi closet cupcake! i'll try to find the address and post it here for you....:-)
and angel chan!! those are my leggings! yoku wakkattane. :-)

growing pains...

Feeling a little overwhelmed with taxes and papers and decisions...and what not...what's that quote "death and taxes are"....??? I can't remember. Ahhh, being an adult has its perks but I'm going through some growing pains figuring out this illustrator gig thing(as I've blogged about extensively) and what to do about making money and how to file and what not....So yeah, have to figure stuff out....Found some pictures from my cameraphone....from when I was in Japan(2006)...ah, it was so nice living at home. I didn't realize how easy everything was...before so many things happened, before so many things changed...growing pains...

this just in...

New: Nylon nails! I had a lot of fun painting nails with my characters. You can see it in this month's Nylon wedged in the middle in the beauty section. (loving Kristen Stewart's polka dot(House of Holland???) dress on the cover. :-)

why not?

Why doesn't L.A. have a magazine like Frankie magazine(of Australia)? I feel like L.A. has that kind of aesthetic but there is no magazine to represent it...

p.s.-Barnes and Nobles carries Frankie now.

pastels

Thinking about light colored short boots lately...I plan to wear lots and lots of pastel this spring and I want light colored preferably suede short boots maybe with a little heel or flat.