why?

Why do we always want to be loved by the ones that don't love us?

In general I've learned to let go of failed relationships. I think that if you've tried your best to salvage it and things still suck that maybe the ship has sailed. There is wisdom in letting go. Sometimes I've found that these ships sail back towards each other again once they've had their own adventures.....

But I think worse than a failed friendship is one that is loveless and disconnected. How can that be a friendship you say? Well, there are conventions and trappings that can fool people into thinking that they are still close. Certain obligations and needs that keep the tenuous strings uncut. Its in those moments when someone you haven't seen in a long time asks you, "where's so and so?" and you realize you have just as little a clue as they do....that's when you realize the chasm is not just in your head.


So what is one to do?

I'm not really sure.

In terms of the friendships that work I have different interactions with all my friends. When I am insecure I try to quantify our interactions but it's an ephemeral thing that cannot be counted. It's an understanding or an attempt at understanding. Some friends I don't see as often as I would like but I can feel their love for me and that gives me a safe place to turn to. It's not just about quantity. Some of my friends have become busier, as have I, so we don't see each other as much and I understand that and if I can feel that they love me I am okay....I don't have to see them all the time to know that we are okay.

It's when the words seem empty and the smiles are fake....yet there is no real reason for a split so rather than a slow fade it becomes like music thats turned down too low....it's not loud enough to enjoy but it teases you with shadows of enjoyment to be had.